Yet more consolidation means one less studio, inevitable redundancies and a blow to this city’s cultural heritage

There are simply too many companies in the world. Apple, Google, Amazon, Ryanair. I’m probably forgetting some. How could I not? There are so many companies. Thankfully, here in Hollywood, we’re culling the herd. My memory says thanks. My career, on the other hand, does not.

After Disney swallowing up 20th Century Fox (which is now just called “20th Century Studios”, making it sound like a company that makes gramophones), Discovery merging with Warner Brothers, and Skydance buying Paramount, you’d think the industry would be done kneecapping itself through strategic acquisitions. Wrong again, friend. Warner Bros Discovery – swimming in debt and loaded up with depreciating cable TV assets – put itself on the market only three years after its last merger. First they went to Netflix, then to Paramount, after Netflix realized they like profit too much. Now a Paramount-WBD merger is progressing. All of this means one less movie studio, inevitable redundancies and more consolidation of vision.

Dave Schilling is a Los Angeles-based writer and humorist

Acting is about human connection across cultural and social divides. But we can’t expect much of that in the ‘Tillyverse’

Rejoice, cinema lovers. Tilly Norwood is back! Not familiar? I don’t blame you, as she’s not exactly a household name yet – though a fleet of well-fed publicists is certainly trying to rectify that. Tilly Norwood is an “AI actor”, as in, an actor that’s not actually an actor at all. Just a series of digital blobs and lines of code designed to resemble a young woman in the lucrative 18-to-49-year-old target demographic. Thus far, Tilly has lived exclusively in easily digestible social media clips and hyperbolic press releases about the “future of entertainment”. But now, “she” (I feel like a complete buffoon for assigning a gender to a computer program) is finally ready for the world of feature films. The company Particle6, which spat out this risible creation, announced that it has commenced development on a motion picture starring this very elaborate and expensive cartoon avatar.

The film, titled Misaligned, will see Tilly seduced by a rogue program into experimenting with human emotions – “desires, impulses, and ambition”, as described by Variety. The company claims that the film will be a “coming-of-age story infused with existential AI chaos”. I can’t help but wonder what resonance a “coming-of-age story” can have if the protagonist is a computer program that doesn’t understand the concept of time, ageing or mortality. Does Tilly Norwood understand the concept of a 24-hour day? Does “she” know the glorious warmth of a mid-afternoon sun? Has “she” ever forgotten to move her car because it’s street cleaning day on her block? Tilly Norwood, being an animated sprite, is neither “coming” nor “of age”. But then again, isn’t acting all about accessing experiences you’ve never had?

Dave Schilling is a Los Angeles-based writer and humorist

With marriage rates in decline, the appeal of a big wedding that we can live vicariously is stronger than ever

Finally, after decades, I have something in common with Taylor Swift. It feels great to say that out loud, in public. No, I’m not famous, rich, particularly attractive, or a woman. I really, really can’t sing. Like, not even my karaoke is tolerable for human ears (dogs seem to be fine with it). No, our sole point of connection in the cosmic swirl of life is that we’ve both been married. I can’t compare this achievement to winning a Grammy or selling out Crypto.com Arena 16 times, but it has to be on the list somewhere.

My wedding did not come close to the upwards of $50m floated by People Magazine as the cost of Swift’s. We got the venue for free because my wife’s family owned it, which is its own sort of privilege. Lena Dunham didn’t attend, but I certainly sent enough invites. Still, getting someone to agree to tolerate you “till death do you part” is no small feat. Did we get divorced three years later? Of course. I can’t believe she dealt with me even that long. Will Taylor and Travis Kelce beat our record? Depends on how often he forgets to put the toilet seat down in one of their numerous homes across the country. That guy just seems like the sort to make that mistake regularly. Don’t ask me how I came to this conclusion. I trust my own eyes.

Dave Schilling is a Los Angeles-based writer and humorist